i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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