i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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