College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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