he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
