i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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