Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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