It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
