i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
