I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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