Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
