you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
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Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
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Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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