I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
