Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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