"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
