TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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