Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
