Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
