If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
