Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
