3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
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Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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