Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
