I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
