You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
