I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Let's get the cat blown out
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