you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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