Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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