A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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