Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
