Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When are your genitals available?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
