Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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