At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Randomize
