how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
