Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
