soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
PANTIES FOUND
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