your parents love me but you hate me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
