in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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