guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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