Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You made out with two different species that night
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
