The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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