He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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