If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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