The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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