True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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