Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
