it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
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On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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