Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
