the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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