WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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