K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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