I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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