she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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