I seem to have left my pride at pride
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
