I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just gargled with NyQuil
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
