You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
