Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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