I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
