My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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