You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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