you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
