I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
