The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
