i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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