Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We need a shit load of segways right now
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
