i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
