booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
