so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
