I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
