I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
