So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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