its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
