My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
