I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We just shotgunned beers for America
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
