I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
