I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
