Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
ok first of all what the fuck
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
