# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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