i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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